It has been quite some time since I have last written. Much has happened since 2020 when the light ships started arriving. Unfortunately I have not had quite the leisure nor the ability to capture these ships cloaked in clouds and because of the abuse and betrayal suffered by the hands of those who were supposed to be my family, I have not had the emotional stamina to write as much as I would like. Everything was going just fine after I finally became free of the assaults that my youngest child’s father pressed upon me. That string was finally cut(by me) and leaving me and the son we had together, he went on to find a wife and they have a new son now.
It took me three or four years to overcome the pain, I took the home my mother allowed me to live in and I made it my sanctuary. A place safe from the cruel world. A place to grow my garden of herbs, a place for the birds to come and rest and eat in peace. A place that welcomed, with open arms, all of God’s creatures. I was so happy to live on that little acre of land. It was my dirt, my mother earth, my place to pray and take my photographs to post with my writings. Everything was fine until the owner, my own mother, gave the land to my estranged son and his father (also an abusive man). Because of this deed, I lost all respect for the woman who was suppose to protect me and my minor children.
Needless to say, as a single mother living on few resources, I did try to live peacefully with my oldest son, who now owns the land. He was took from me at a young age and was given to his father(a meth addict), and it took me a couple years to overcome my alcoholism and get to the place where I could get my boy back. By then, his father had his hooks into the boy and I had no one to help me fight to get him back from his father. He would not come back with me willingly either.
Time went by and my firstborn’s hatred of me grew and grew. His father’s lies and hatred of me was passed on to our son. I struggled while they lived happily, and instead of helping me, my own mother and father gave their love and support to my ex husband and my firstborn rather than me, their own daughter and mother of my firstborn.
I suppose my mother felt awful for all the times they unsupported me, leaving me to struggle in the rain and storm of life after my battle with alcoholism. I found my soul and my purpose. I even found the light inside my heart to guide me. I have always been hated by my own family. I am not a conformist. I am an individual who loves all people and all God’s creatures and all of earth and the multiverse. My family, on the other hand, are Christians (hypocritical albeit) and have always been ashamed of me. I am getting off topic here…let me get back to why I am homeless.
As I said, the land was ripped out from beneath the feet of my daughter, my youngest son, our two dogs, and myself, a single mother who never asks for anything but love in the world. We have been displaced because of the violence of my other son. My oldest son. Because of his hatred of himself within, he projects it into the world and into me. His father filled our son’s mind as a child with false images and lies about me. My child grew up hating me no matter how hard I tried to bring the truth to light. Even my own mother and father believed my ex husband over me. It was when she gave the land, my home of 7 years, to my oldest son and my ex husband that I knew the end of our safety was near.
Now my oldest son owns the land, but he cares not about it. He hates the earth, he hates his father, he hates me, he even hates his own grandmother who gave him the acre of land, even though I begged and begged her not too. Everything that is given to my oldest son, well, his father takes it all. His father is a liar, a thief, and drug addict and now while my two minor children and I are living in our car, this man is living it up on the land I called home for seven years. Our son and he himself suffer from mental illness and that is what caused the abuses toward me by their hands. I had to leave. I had to get my children to safety. I was fearful of my life and my two minor children’s lives. I find it hard to forgive my own mother for sacrificing our safety and our sanctuary. I refuse to look back and I refuse to stay where I am hated and unwanted.
Elder abuse is real and I never thought that it would happen to me. I am terrified of my son, who is 22 years old, and I will always love him but I will never go near him again. Maybe someday I will forgive my mother for sacrificing my home and security for her love of money. I will be heartbroken for a long time. I never know where my children and I are going to be each day and night but we have the unseen force of energy I like to call God watching over us. God is our home and my two minor children are my heart.
Domestic/Elder violence is one of the leading causes of homelessness. No one should be without a home for it is a basic need. I am working towards a better world where no single person, but all, are provided with a home, food, water, and a job that matches their God given skills and gifts.
My children and I may be homeless but we use this to our advantage. We take our light and shine it everywhere we go.
God bless you all
Jessica Saint Cloud
Share The Light~Receive The Light
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