Who have I?

My depression is causing my heart to ache. I have been uprooted, rejected and displaced. I am living in a city in which I know none. No friends, no family, just my offspring less one. All this pain in which I’ve gained, all this lonliness in my space. I do the best that I can to provide for my loving children and I. There is none who to care for me when I am sick or when I cry.

My whole life I desired only God and family. My children I have but the rest have rejected me. What have I done to deserve this lonely life, which has been nothing but pain and strife. Perhaps is is my fault I am alone. I pushed all away before they could break my heart and my bones. Traumatized and abused and disowned.

I shall not allow this black pit in which I dwell, to drown my children in it’s eternal well. I will stand up and scream out light. I will keep going and facing this pain, remembering not to let it touch my children. To protect them from my heartbreak, to raise them up in light. Teaching them that love is the basis of all life.

I thought I had a mother but now I know I do not. For she was the first one who broke my heart. Therefore, my purpose is to be the best mother I can be. To protect, provide and guide my children in this cold world. Do it alone I shall, for I fear God has left us. Or perhaps I have turned away from God. I need my Lord now more than ever to unbreak my heart. I desire not romance, nor marriage, nor material things. I only hope for our own home to be filled with family and friends. And lots of dogs, a horse or two. Perhaps some chickens with a chicken coop. Are my desires to much to ask for? I suppose being alone this is something I can’t seem to reach for. Should I pass away, there will be none at my memorial service, save my three children and angels I have always cried out for.

I want to be wanted, to be needed and loved. Not by a romance but by the family and God. I love my children more than anything in life. I promise I will never turn my back on them nor cause them strife. I hope someday I can forgive my own mother but for now it is a hope that I cannot seem to reach for.

I merely hope to give my children the best life can offer. They deserve more than they have been given and I hope that I am doing a wonderful job raising them alone. I protect them from those who have broke my heart and would break my bones. God please turn back to me. Save me from this depression and despair. Please hold me. Hold my children in your loving arms forever and ever and let us be safe in this lonely place in which we have been displaced. Thank you God for loving us true. Thank you for keeping us safe from those who distrust You.

Space Alien Dream

What a night! I rarely write down my dreams anymore, let alone post them. But this particular dream from last night has stuck with me until now, when I decided this should be recorded. I feel as it should be. Who knows what the future holds?

Everyone was hiding. At first, in the dream, I did not know why people were hiding and they were hiding anywhere they could find! Everyone was scared, I was curious. It was like I had just woken up in the dream to something that was happening in the now.

There were warehouses, storage units, portapotties, different buildings, and all housed humans hiding within from an unseen danger. Until two people pulled me inside a small, closet like space and told me with a shush to be quiet! That is when I heard them coming closer. The sound was the most chilling sound I have ever heard in reality or dream.

You could hear them as they got closer. They made a mellow, trilling sound that got louder as they got closer. Umfortunately, I stumbled and caused the building wall, flimsy as it were, to shake. The Being heard me. The Being stopped and my worse nightmare began.

The Being opened the door and we all had our eyes closed. Some were hid better than I was. I appeared in the dream a bit too late to find a proper hiding space. So, I feigned death, or sleep. My foolishness was apparent when the Being touched my eyelids and with a soft voice, a kind voice spoke.

“Oh! She is merely closing her eyes!” It was the softest voice I ever heard and when the Being opened my eye It had shifted into the human form of a man. My struggle was futile and I knew it. I had no choice except to let him do to me what they were doing to all humans when they found and captured them.

My head was tilted back and two tubes, plastic and cold, were thrust into my nostrils. Just as soon as the shapeshifter attached the tubeds far into my nose, the blood within my brain was sucked out through my nose into a machine that I could not see, nor could I hear but I felt the vibration. They did not take it all. They did not take my life. They did, however, take me and place me in a new place. A new dimension. A new world. Whatever you may call it. I was different, I felt different, and I thought differently, after they took my blood and placed me in a new state of being.

I do feel like this dream was a symbolic meaning of something in my life. I am not sure what. Maybe I watch too many movies? But this felt too real. Perhaps, what with NASA sending signals to space, we are sending signals to beings far beyond the great black, and we know not what we are attracting to our planet!!

Stay safe my fellow humans. Stay strong. Stay true. Stay you. Much love.

Jessica Angel

Part of the Transition

The world as we know it is changing. That is something most people would agree on. Most importantly, it is a change that requires all of us and not for a few days. We have to change NOW and in our every day lives. There will be sacrifices to be made and compromising to be required if we are all going to work together. To give back to this beautiful plant we call GAIA, is to give our descendants life.

You are Amazing

Have you ever stopped to wonder in awe how we are spirits, with a dwelling place we call a human body? Oh the human body! What a masterpiece! Each individual pieces working together to do their part so the body can function and provide shelter for our souls to do our souls purpose. It is amazing. The Creator of such awesomeness deserves so much more than what we as humanity have given and not given to our temples. We are the hands, the feet, the mind, the heart and the organs of God. If our bodies work together so perfectly then shouldn’t we as fellow humans work together to achieve a life where all are respectful to each other, all animals, and our precious earth?

Why do we put selfish greed first, fear first, money first, religion, politics you name it? Because we have forgotten that we are connected and all the children of an Invisible Creator. Perhaps we can see, perhaps some cannot. But we will. In each beings own time and place.

Love your soul, know thyself, care for thy body and they planet with her creatures and provisions. Love each other. Try to understand each other and remember that what we do not like in another person is a reflection of an issue within our own selves. Work through it. Feel it. Let it go. Then you will see that person as your family and from their you will see God in all humanns. But first love You. It all begins with You.

You are awesome. Keep being yourself no matter what and let your light shine because it will reveal to you the secrets deep within, You are love. You are loved. 144